Interests:Optometry, Dentistry, Web Design, Drums, Guitar, Losing Weight, Christian Books and Music (booksforchrist.com! :D) Occupation:Student Industry:Medical
Check it out, everybody. After years of hiding and being lazy, I decided to make use of my webcam for something other than sexy photos of myself. Enjoy.
This is something people rarely talk about. There was one aspect regarding it, however, that really hit home for me during KCF May Conference
this year, so I thought I'd have a few words with it.
Before I start, I'd just like to thank everyone who prayed for me,
encouraged me, and even just asked me about my Optometry Admission
Test. I wrote it yesterday (June 15), and to be absolutely humble and modest, I showed that test who's boss. hahaha Kidding, kinda
.
WIth the exception of the Biology portion of the test, I did
exceptionally well, and although the odds of my getting admitted this
year when I apply to Optometry at Waterloo are slim, it was a
shockingly humbling and eye-opening experience, and an answer to
prayer. lol I honestly felt like I would do really poorly at times.
hahaha "what?? soohan, being vulnerable?!"
But yeah, thanks also for those who put up with my whining and cries
for pity because I couldn't go out or do anything fun. I also want to
say massive thank yous to people who even yesterday asked me how the
test went. Even being aware of my life and caring enough to ask is a
massive encouragement. That in itself would have been more than enough.
Hallelujah. I'll
set a disclaimer to start. Please don't feel like I'm preaching or
imposing any of my thoughts on anyone. This statement in itself is
hypocritical because I tend to say blatantly "Let's do this or that" ,
but know that a lot of what I'm writing is based on my personal take on
the authority of the Word. So just like we should test what our pastors
say according to the Bible, feel free to do the same for me, if you
feel that it is necessary. Thanks~. Prayer.
Not something we talk about too often, at least in a critical (as in
critical analysis, not critical correction) manner, anyway. In light of
what I said about Biblical authority a second ago, I'll start with just
that. This is the few verses that precede the Lord's Prayer in Matthew:
And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street
corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received
their reward in full. But
when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your
Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in
secret, will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their
many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. ~Matthew 6:5-8 NIV (emphasis mine)~
This is a relatively common verse, and if anyone remembers, Pastor Brad
picked out a pretty unusual section of the passage to speak about.
Rather than the typical "go pray in a corner" part, he chose to pick
out the latter portion, that tells us essentially to choose our words carefully when we pray. I don't do this enough in my own study, but I had to cross-reference what
The Message translation says about this:
Here's what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won't
be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and
honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and
you will begin to sense his grace. The world is full of so-called prayer warriors who are prayer-ignorant.
They're full of formulas and programs and advice, peddling techniques
for getting what you want from God. Don't fall for that nonsense. This
is your Father you are dealing with, and he knows better than you what
you need. ~Matthew 6:6-8 The Message (empasis mine)~
It hit me how superficial my prayers are. I was just about to write up
a little ass-covering section saying that I'm not referring to personal
prayer, tongues, and the like, but that I'm referring to representative
prayer, but I realized how cowardly that is. hahaha DENgerous man,
right? Okay, so essentially, I'm going to comment on some of things I decided to fix in my prayers that really helped me out in that season of learning. I found that being precise about my prayer not only helped me grow and enjoy the Spirit's work in and through me, but God also enabled me to speak more clearly in general to others. However, I think it's really important to establish one thing. Analogy
time: If I was in love with a really wonderful woman, and wanted her to
love me also, how would I choose to speak to her? Would I repeat her
name over and over after every sentence I say to her? Would I keep
talking about myself and my needs? Would I just tell her how pretty her
nose is every time I see her? Would I take time to listen to her,
rather than babble on my own all the time? You see where I'm getting
at? Passionate love does not give us a free ticket to rid ourselves of
putting care into our words. Proverbs is a litter house full of things
about the tongue. 25:15 says a gentle tongue can break a bone; our words have great power: power to destroy, power to heal, power to call upon the God of the heavens. With that power comes a responsibility (big ups, Uncle Ben) to use that in a wise, care-full manner, worthy of His Majesty. But please, do not take this as an attack on the power of encouragement through tears and sweat and fiery passion in prayer. Jesus did the same as he prayed prior to his arrest, sweating it out like drips of blood. But I'm sure that he prayed "as simply and honestly as [he] can manage (6:6 Message)", as well. One thing I started to correct was the overusage of needless words. I found that I used the word "just" far too many times. "Lord, if You would just... just hear our prayer to just... I just want to..." I'm sure I could think of more examples along those lines, but you get the point. I asked myself, "Why do I use that word like fairy dust over what I'm saying? It hit me. I was not thinking before saying any of those things. The heart, the core, the TRUTH behind what I wanted to pray was always embedded within the phrase following or connecting those typical bits and pieces containing the word "just". So I said, "Why bother sticking them in?" If I want to ask God to bless a specific part of my life, then instead of saying "God, would you just let me be...just more diligent in just the way I manage my time", I could just think for 1 second thinking about what my heart really wants to say. And there's power in transforming those messy blurbs into "God, please give me the discernment to exercise diligence in how I use the time that you have given me". Simpler. More honest. More powerful.
Actually, that last example of how I used to blurt out prayer contains the next big thing I wanted to correct. Precision is something that is neglected in our words. It is true when people from the U.K. say that North American English is a very lazy tongue. Not only in pronounciation, but in choice of words. You ever notice how we say in prayer, "Lord, allow us to pray with more urgency for the people that have not heard Your message of truth and life"? The bolded "allow us" would be synonymous to "let us", which is actually even more common, likely due to the fact that the word "let" has one less syllable than "allow". We say it so frequently, but try to think about what that really means. We're asking for God's permission to do things that He has taught or commanded us to do. Mind you, these are mostly things we have already been fully equipped to do! How ridiculous is that? Instead of asking His permission, I realized that what I really wanted was His POWER and SUPPORT in doing something that I know in my heart that I cannot do on my own strength. "Lord, open my eyes to see how important reading Your Word is, so that I will be convicted to seek You through the Word with more consistency". Isn't that so much more clear to what we desire and what God desires to do than "Lord, let me read my Bible more"? I do not want to contain my God to become nothing more than a lazy CEO who signs authorization signatures for his company. Our King is the CEO who knows each employee's name and wants to give them bonuses every day, regardless of how well or poorly they have performed. And we know that. So I, for one, will not restrain the potential of the power of God through my ignorant blabber-prayer, and ask/knock/seek His strength so that He will answer in a mighty, amazing way.
I had a couple more thoughts in my head, but I don't want to be excessive; plus, it's late. I'm pretty tired (thanks to the Waterloo crew for a great time tonight). This one is pretty common, as well. It's the Name Game. We used to joke about brother WooHyun's "Father Gahd~" habit when praying. We laugh because it's true, but we cannot judge him because we ALL do it! We have our favourite Trinity Nickname, where the one name (out of 300 or so out of the Bible) for God gets recycled to the point where 50% of the words in a lot of our sentences is His Name. Yes, He loves it when His children call upon His Name. Note the verb, "call" on His Name. "Lord Father, would you help us, Lord Father, to love our brothers and sisters, Lord Father, so that Your church, Lord Father, Your body, Lord Father, will be raised up, Lord Father". Excessive? It looks pretty bad in writing, doesn't it? But listen carefully to how you pray, and it really doesn't stray that far from that example. So do you think all of those "Lord Father"s are an act of calling on God's Name? Trusty dictionary.com says that the verb babble means "to utter a meaningless confusion of words or sounds". Take out the non-relevant material and I see meaningless (without meaning) bunch of words. Sounds a lot like "babbling" to me. At least portions of it, anyway. This is also a matter of simply thinking ahead before you say what we want to say and saying it straight up. Another somewhat minor aside about that example was that it isn't doctrinally correct, either. Pastor Peter Yi does this far better than I do, but attributing ownership of the Body of Christ to the Father of the Trinity isn't exactly correct, correct? The body belongs to Jesus, the Son. Although the Trinity is perfect united, they are also perfectly distinct, and it's also important to recognize and honour each of the facets of the Trinity for their different roles within that unity, as well.
I'll wrap it up with this. No one, myself in particular, is saying you are praying incorrectly and that you should repent and use the right set of protocols to ensure that your prayers are without fault. That's contrary to what Jesus taught on so many fronts. I simply wanted to share some of the things that I learned in my reflection about praying aloud (whether it be aloud on your own - or in silence, praying for a meal, or praying on behalf of a group) that helped me express in the power of words - through prayer - what I wanted to say to and about the Lord. If you were shaken a little, if you realized that you do the things I do, GOOD! haha Just ask yourself one thing: "What good can come if I make my prayer more simple and honest? What good can I miss out on if I don't?" I encourage you, the reader of yet another blitzingly long post, to be challenged and lifted up to seek the heart and face of God with a renewed fervour. ^^
필승 코리아. Must win, Korea. Actually, this upcoming match versus France is more or less a must win. I hope Henry's poor play on the international stage continues. hahaha
After reading all the wonderful reactions and opinions that people had, I kept on having to remind myself of the forgotten first segment of the famous 1 Corinthians 13 chapter on love.
If I speak the tongues of men and angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. ~1 Cor 13:1-3 (emphasis mine)~
In all my rantings and thoughts, if I spit agreeable or disagreeable opinions without love, then I'm just a kid spewing a load of crap. I hope I can live actively and choose to be ALIVE in LOVE, rather than be passive in DEATH.
Man, it was a refreshing sermon today. I can't wait to hear through Chang the practical ways by which we can establish our firm foundation.
Wow, even as I start my take on the Eldredge Wild-at-Heart view of the women's side of the coin, I'm hoping I don't step on toes. Mostly because I can say whatever I want about guys, because I am a guy. It applies. But for the ladies, it's more like a heretic sermon. haha anyway, here goes.
Strangely coincidental that I just lent my copy of the book to a friend today. haha If I were to forget something... lol no references! uh-oh.
Well, the one thing that Eldredge likes to fly with is that we, as humans created in the image of God, embody his characteristics. Now, since God doesn't have a physical form, we are left with His heart, His character. There is that of immense power, courage, and danger (as the previous post alluded to). This is the masculine part of Him that says to His Creation, "I am the bridegroom, and I am going to fight for, cherish, and protect my beloved Bride, my church". His feminine side, however, says to us, "Love me, seek me, pursue me". This is a vulnerability that Eldredge states that is surprising, considering the fantastic deity that we typically paint God to be.
This tender, wanting desire is reflected in the heart of Eve and her offspring, as well. If I recall, Romy commented previously (one step ahead of me~) that it is indeed an awesome feeling for a woman to feel pursued, wanted, desired~.
But check this: In the geneology of Jesus in early Matthew, there are four women that are specifically written. These would be Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, and "Uriah's wife", Bathsheba (N.B.: Eldredge suggests that she isn't written by name due to the adultery for which she is famed; and yes, although David made the move, she gave in, too :Þ). I rip this part up, but if you ponder a little... Rahab was a prostitute and a traitor to her city-state, Tamar got down and dirty with her father-in-law because he (Judah) wouldn't let her get married to his only remaining son (the others died because they didn't want to have kids with her), and Ruth... oh, lovely Ruth. She and her also-widowed mother-in-law were in a real tight spot, so she did some Kanye West-esque gold diggin' on old Boaz. He comes in after a long day's work, has a bit to drink, comes home and crashes in his barn. Ruth slyly slips in, "uncovers his feet" (I still don't know the cultural significance behind that), and snuggles alongside. Now THAT is some racy stuff, yo. lol.
My point is... a guy is a "man among men" when he sees the battle before him and fights; that's his strength. The allure of Eve and her daughters exists in a plain fact: they are the pinnacle, the zenith of all Creation. Yo, God made Adam from dirt and said that "it is very good". From dirt, friends. THEN he made Eve from the "very good" stuff. So it's like... the cream of the crop of the cream of the crop. Woman is the ultimate form. Even I can concede this. Here's where Soohan stops analyzing and starts talkin'.
On the surface, since our roles are set as the "man who pursues with his might and courage" and the "woman who longs to be desired", it seems as if the ladies have been void of responsibility. If anything, we see today that there's a serious reversal in this role, where girls feel like they have to push the agenda to get to a place where they're happy. See, this is where stuff starts to break down a bit. The man is not motivated by direct force. It's all about induction, persuasion, SEDUCTION. Now, when I say that, the first thing that we think of (myself included) is generally in the confines of the sexually oriented. But take yourself out of that box for a minute. In Korean culture and others, 애교 (ae-gyo, ask your folks if you don't know what it means) is generally frowned upon when girls do it, particularly by other girls. Heh, ever occur to you why guys don't object as much or as strongly when they see it? It works for a reason, yes? If used in a way that isn't ridiculously self-seeking, seduction is a wondrous and amazing thing.
A whole chapter (of around a dozen or more) in Wild at Heart is dedicated to "A Beauty to Rescue". Masculinity bestows masculinity. Boys become men when they have been affirmed by a man that they too, are a man. Their question is, "Am I strong? Am I wild?" For girls, the question ultimately is, "Am I beautiful? Am I lovable in your sight?" Eldredge puts the responsibility of answering those questions affirmatively on FATHERS. In one way or another, he says that girls are neglected or abused to a point where that answer is "no", and like our fairy-tale friend Rapunzel, they build towers around their hearts, and as hurt accumulates through life, that tower can become a fortress. So my charge is this: Men, we must prepare ourselves to fight our way through dragons, wizards, and ogres (except Shrek... he's pretty nice about it :D) to approach that tower in which our Beauty awaits. If we don't prepare, we're gonna get smoked, no doubt. Ladies, your role is two-fold as well. You gotta be strong enough so that the rope you send down to bring the hero up to the tower is sturdy, because if that rope is weak (be it materialism, insecurity) and not Spirit-enforced, it's going to break, and your to-be hero will end up in a dragon's mouth at the bottom of his fall (i.e. Satan is going to use that and have a field day with the both of ya's). So prepare yourselves, and wait patiently until the time comes for you to call out, trust, and be open and vulnerable~. To be honest, I really wanted to slip in a few things, but it felt fruitless when I initially typed it. -Ladies, please don't nag. hahaha -Dudes, Job made a covenant with his eyes to the Lord. Let's keep 'em clean. Oh man. Here's a HUGE thing that I kinda have to put out there. I had a revelation. If you're familiar with the Five Languages of Love, one of them is Physical Touch. Now, I for one, have always been really comfortable with touch. It's just not a big deal for me. Giving AND receiving. haha easy, boys. But seriously, in the Body of Christ... Paul says for women to dress modestly. This is where I see a MASSIVE paradigm shift that sends our thinking into an interesting cycle.
-Men are tricked into thinking that they desire the cheap way out to appease their warrior hearts -> we let our eyes go buckwild where'er we go. -Women are tricked into thinking that their beauty is not a balance of external and internal, and want to look good~. All the while, oblivious to (or embracing) the fact that guys' eyes wander and absorb. -I understand that girls "don't dress like that for guys' sake", etc. How easily we are deceived into thinking that it's all good and dandy. -Leading in: We all know that men appeal to their sense of sight, and women appeal to touch.
All that stuff is old news. NEW news is this: If Paul tells women to watch what they're wearing, men have SERiously got to watch how they touch. I know that this might not be a big deal to a lot of people (like I said, I'm very comfortable with the touch factor), but I think both men and women of faith must seriously consider the ramifications of all that. I have this habit where with some of my gal pals, I bite their tricep to be retarded-playful. It hit me one day how... retarded this act really is, and caused me to prod at myself... "what good will come of this?" (Copyright Chang Cho 2006. Patent Pending lol). Another thing is, you know one of those things about the movie Hitch that everyone remembers? One thing that always sticks in my mind is the "where you put the hand on her back" thing. Remember? "Too high means you just wanna be friends, too low means you just want some ass~"? Yeah, that's right, boys. Don't tell me you didn't go out there the next week and intentionally placed your hand in the "correct" spot to that lucky one out there. Word. I got you, dog. hahaha Anyway, so YEAH, we all gotta watch what we show off and watch how we touch. MAJOR.
Chang mentioned at the end of his birthday partay on Friday that the walls between our college ministry have really been broken down (hallelujah for that). But the inherent danger in getting closer is that as a group of believers (be it Poiema, KCF, wherever you're at) is a sweet opportunity for Satan to do is deceptive work.
Hm, I plastered that title up pretty hastily. I finished my second reading of John Eldredge's Wild at Heart today (Men of faith: if you ever read a Christian book, let this be in the list; Ladies, also read it. haha and recommend if it's worth it :D). It's beautiful how books - be it the Bible or others - can hit you from a different angle than you had when you read them previously. I'm gonna spit this as it comes, but here go my random thoughts... be warned, however. This won't be a summary by any means. Simply stuff that I kinda roll with when triggered.
Cover Story One thing that drove home to me on both readings of the book was how our culture has completely sabotaged gender roles from what God created man and woman to be. I'm sure a lot of you have probably heard someone smarter than myself babble about that, but as for me... I like to narrow it down a little further.
How have Korean Canadians submitted to that sabotage in light of its own (very unique) gender roles?
I remember Pastor Paik from May Conference say that our society is extremely sexually charged (we were talking about the folly of the Da Vinci Code). But in a culture where even the core of our sexuality is pretty much repressed and left in the shadows... I just felt another strangely dissonant tone about what we as Koreans expect from the man and the woman (something tells me this is gonna be long). Let's start with the MALE... mostly because it's easier.
The Man A MASSIVE point that John Eldredge mentions is that when Adam and Eve fell... Adam had to make a choice... pick Eve or pick God... and it's pretty typical, ain't it? He weaseled out and picked Eve. He looked to validate his masculinity through Eve. If anything, that is one of the BIGGEST mistakes males ever make. If man is the Yin, woman is the Yang. There ain't NO way that he's gonna find is male SOUL in a woman. It just isn't there. Yes, the sermon moral of the story is "We must seek to re-discover our male soul in the Lord", but that just sounds all too easy.
We've lost the will to fight. If anything, a lot of us (myself included) either don't know that we should be fighting, or we know in our heads and don't do it. It's a pain in the ass to fight. Sounds like Father of Lies playbook material.
Be it porno, be it relationships we seek to gain shallow pleasures from, today's male is all too familiar with the easy way out. Like Paul said, "not that I have already achieved these things"... but... (sigh... I despise using cliches) "knowing is half the battle"... BUT it's ONLY half the battle.
Now, Koreans. I'm not going to get into my rants about the "FOBs" and whatnot, because if I soberly think about it, the stuff I complain about with regards to the 1st-gen college-student/youth culture is just as prevalent in 2nd-generation Koreans as well. I think I read in a Men's Health magazine issue once that amongst the nations that MH publishes in (there are plenty), Korea ranks number one in - get this - guys who pay for sex. I think we were somewhere in the middle of the Top 5 for "porn consumption per week" (don't quote me on that one, though; can't remember exactly). Now, it is a questionable generalization, but I for one don't think it's that far of a stretch to believe that at least some of that culture/attitude/disposition extends to us here. I'm not even going to TOUCH the socio-psychological stuff, but there's a HEART-reason for those things.
Too often do I hear ladies say (muttered under their breath or screamed through a megaphone) that "there aren't any good guys out there". Eldredge accredits that to failure on the part of the man to a) Actually be a man. Fight the good fight. Live like the dangerous warrior you were created to be, and b)Stop being so nice.Girls don't actually dig Nice Guys. Eldredge prods at this for like, freakin 200 pages: We're supposed to be DENjerous. C.S. Lewis had it right in Narnia... "He is not a tame lion". Jesus was NOT tame. And we as men are not made to be docile. hahaha For an actually decent explanation of this, read the book (I'm kidding about "freakin 200 pages", it's actually a good, brisk, engaging read).
I feel like I've written a lot but said nothing. I highly doubt more than 2 people read this word-for-word to this point... but if you did, I profusely apologize. hahaha I also realize that the stuff I wrote might grind your gears or be somewhat insensitive. A part of me is truly concerned that you might have been, but the warrior in me says to own up to the statements I make. So, if you're a little peeved, let me have it. I can take it~. :D
In summary, I gotta start being a MAN. I used to like it when girls said "Soohan's such a nice guy~". In hindsight - although I appreciated the compliment - I now know that that's what I've been mutated into. Over the next few years, I want that opinion to change to, "What a freakin' dangerous MAN". Word up.
P.S. The part for the Ladies comes at another time.
.
WIth the exception of the Biology portion of the test, I did
exceptionally well, and although the odds of my getting admitted this
year when I apply to Optometry at Waterloo are slim, it was a
shockingly humbling and eye-opening experience, and an answer to
prayer. lol I honestly felt like I would do really poorly at times.
hahaha "what?? soohan, being vulnerable?!" 
But yeah, thanks also for those who put up with my whining and cries
for pity because I couldn't go out or do anything fun. I also want to
say massive thank yous to people who even yesterday asked me how the
test went. Even being aware of my life and caring enough to ask is a
massive encouragement. That in itself would have been more than enough.
Hallelujah.
,
but know that a lot of what I'm writing is based on my personal take on
the authority of the Word. So just like we should test what our pastors
say according to the Bible, feel free to do the same for me, if you
feel that it is necessary. Thanks~.
Okay, so essentially, I'm going to comment on some of things I decided to fix in my prayers that really helped me out in that season of learning. I found that being precise about my prayer not only helped me grow and enjoy the Spirit's work in and through me, but God also enabled me to speak more clearly in general to others.
The body belongs to Jesus, the Son. Although the Trinity is perfect united, they are also perfectly distinct, and it's also important to recognize and honour each of the facets of the Trinity for their different roles within that unity, as well.
